It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about my weight loss progress, and that’s because things have been going generally well, with a couple of blips along the way. Including, if I’m honest, this week so far! I got my 1 stone award a few weeks back, which was a real milestone, but I’ve been up and down a bit on the scales ever since!
Trying to become a published writer has taught me a lot about my own habits, obsessions and motivations, and how closely my own sense of control is linked to writing productivity and my attitudes to food. I think I’ve realised this afresh several times, but it’s really reared its head again this week. I’m quite the emotional eater, if I’m honest, and while that can vary from ‘I can’t eat anything!’ to ‘I want to eat EVERYTHING!!!’, it is something of which I’m becoming increasingly aware.
I can’t really say too much about the progress of my first novel, Far From the Tree, as it’s currently out of my hands, but suffice to say, because it’s out of my hands, there’s a certain level of patience required! I’ve had to learn that just because I refresh my email every five seconds, doesn’t mean there’s going to be anything other than Pinterest alerts and offers from Paperchase sitting in my inbox. I’ve also had to learn that if one aspect of my life is out of my control, that doesn’t mean everything else has to be! That’s one of the hardest lessons in psychology for me, and, regardless of whether or not I’d written a novel, I think I’d still have had to learn it this year. Work pressure, family life and potential health issues (nothing major, thank goodness, but a dawning realisation that I need to take better care of myself), have all given me a lot to think about, and the lesson I’m gradually learning in these closing weeks of 2015 is that, while I can’t keep tabs on everything, I can maintain a certain level of discipline across all areas of my life that I am happy to live with.
Sometimes, however, we just have to let things go a bit. This past three weeks, the easing of pressure has been on the Slimming World front. There has been the odd bottle of wine (or three!), the odd slice of chocolate cake, and a general softening of my middle. I think I needed it, though. Although that, of course, is contradictory, in a sense. What my head told me to do was keep to Food Optimising to maintain a sense of control of this area of my life. What my emotions told me was exactly the opposite!
And this has happened for a few weeks since I started SW again. There’s a general need to release the pressure, followed by an epiphany, followed by a few good weeks before the pressure mounts again. It’s a slow process, but I think I’m gradually learning how to manage things so that this will happen less often. That mindset of rewarding oneself with bad food/lots of wine is a tough one to break, as is the sense of ‘well, everything else is stressful, so let’s just eat and drink whatever until I’ve cheered myself up’. Sometimes, you just need to drink the wine and eat the cake in order to test the theory that Food Optimising works.
And that’s the position I’m in now, today. I’ve had a very indulgent few days, but for no really good reason, apart from as a response to stress and tiredness. The next time I reach for the wine/cake/chocolate, I hope it will be for positive reasons, rather than ‘I’m stressed/tired/I’ve got too much work/my house is a mess.’ After all, if I’m going to go ‘flexible’, let’s make sure it’s worth it!
And as for Far From the Tree? Watch this space, and please cross your fingers :).