It’s HOT! And in usual British style, the weather didn’t give us much warning; it just switched from ‘meh’ to volcanic heat literally overnight. And, as is my usual, this has got me thinking. I went out to the RNA South West Chapter dinner last night, and I was quite sad that I couldn’t wear a certain dress, since it was sweltering and the jeggings wouldn’t do. The dress was really rather tight when I tried it on, and not in a good way. This triggered off a thought process, of course.
At present, there are 11 ‘not now, but soon’ dresses in my wardrobe. Some have been sat in there for a fair while! There are at least two pairs of jeans and a skirt in that category, too. I am a sucker for the ‘ooh, that’s nice, I’ll buy the size I think I should be rather than the size I actually am and in a few weeks I’ll be that size,’ thing. The trouble is, I don’t ever get there. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m moderately realistic; I only ever buy the next size down – I’m not a total fantasist, but even that’s irritating me now! Why do I do it? Why not buy the size I currently am (about a UK size 14, if anyone’s interested!) and wear the bloody clothes straight off? The answer? Probably deeply embedded in my psyche is my attachment to the idea that size 12 is the biggest I should ever be. Yes. I know. And believe me, I don’t need anyone telling me ‘it’s just a number’. I know.
Before anyone also mentions the fact that all shops size differently, I know that, too. And I do actually fit into certain clothes from certain shops that are the much longed for size 12. But, damnit, I want to be consistent! Especially now, as I’m pushing 40 and feeling, frankly, rather invisible. I don’t want to be still having this debate with myself in ten years. As my BMI is around 27.8, I want to get that down, too. It’s no joke that international rugby players weigh less than me at the moment, and I’m fed up with justifying it with the fact I’m tall.
I’ve taken pictures of all of the clothes that don’t fit me. I’m going to put the pictures at strategic points around the house (the Husband will think I’m madder than he already does). I would love to be able to wear them by my 40th birthday, which is at the end of August. I’m a total commitment phobe when it comes to weight loss, but I am still attending Slimming World, so we’ll see if this time I can manage it. What tends to happen is I lose a few pounds and relax again, so we’ll see if I can do it for longer this time. It’s that, or Ebay the clothes, and I really don’t want to do that!!
I’ve got the tools, it’s just a question of getting on with it. Wish me luck…